Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
