Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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