i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
