just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
