Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
