I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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