You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Pooping to opera.
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