WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
