Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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