I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
