Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
