I am spending my child support on dildos
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
