I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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