Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
