I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
