im six kinds of drunk right now
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
