I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
