I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
