Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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