U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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