***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
