How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
