I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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