my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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