These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
