I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
NoShamevember. You game?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ladies don't puke and tell
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
