Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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