I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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