i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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