I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
