If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
