Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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