Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
