so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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