Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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