some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
