I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
