I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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