he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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