did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
