At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
