all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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