my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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