U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
