Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
