ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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