there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
