Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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