so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
