Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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