i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
All I want is dick and wine.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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