I wish i was in the wii world.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
